Overheard - Caribou Coffee

I was sitting at Caribou this afternoon preparing for a class when I got distracted by a conversation at another table. A couple of older hirsute gentleman had been working on their laptops, but got bored and started chit-chatting. The first guy, who had a very fine 'stache, was telling some story about talking to his boss and accidentally saying something inappropriate, a Freudian slip. The other guy, whose beard started just under his glasses, related the following:

"Freudian slip? Freudian slip! I'll tell you about a Freudian slip! The other day I was having dinner with my wife and I asked her to pass the salt. Now that was a Freudian slip. What I mean to say was, 'You ruined my life you fucking bitch!' HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA"

Oh yes, those two yucked it up for a good 5 minutes.

Hello Glass Ceiling, Nice to Meet You

This fantastic story comes to us courtesy of Sara Tripp and recounts the shock and disappointment she felt when she realized her two best (male) friends might be harboring some less-than-egalitarian views about women.

I've always felt like architecture was difficult. I've had to work extremely hard since I've started, but I blamed a lot of that on having no training before college and having to learn everything from scratch. When I was younger, all that extra work equivalated to not working very hard, because I was overwhelmed. Yet as I grew older, I finished, started a career, and realized that I really can do this, I can do it well, and I enjoy it.

But, tonight I heard something that cemented a thought that I've been pushing to the back of my consciousness for some time. Architecture, like many fields of study, is a boys club. Women have infiltrated, there have been many throughout history, Zaha Hadid is a bad ass bitch, so is Maya Lin and many famous firms have women partners in their initials. Still, many firms don't have many girls in them. I am the only one in my firm, which has fluctuated size over time from anywhere between 5-12 architectural staff. When I started, Ken told me that they've had issues with girl workers in the past, but he was excited when I started. We're all very close, we hang out outside of work, so I pretend that it's normal and don't pretend, but know, that I have a good place in my firm.

Still, I look around and realize, and hear horror stories about other girls working, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I can't figure it out, are girls not getting the same training as the boys? Are they less capable for real? Do they get beat down by this idea that the boys rule then not try to fully fulfill their potential? What is it?

I heard two of the most ignorant things tonight, and couldn't even muster the power to continue the argument because the people involved didn't even have an inkling that they were in the wrong. One statement was that the guy wished he didn't have to work with girls at work ever, the other being that one guy felt uncomfortable with the thought of working closely with a girl at work, then going home to his wife because it was only a matter of time...

What the fucking fuck?

Sure, some girls are probably not very good at their jobs. But you know what, there are a fucking million more dudes attempting this profession that suck horribly at what they do, you know why, because of the ratio. We've had a bunch of them at my firm over the years. It's not fair to say that. You want to say that girls are too emotional to work with? That's unfair, because everyone has bad days, and I work with a man that has more mood swings than any woman I've ever met, but we deal with it. Fucking buck up and deal with it. Girls are annoying? Give me a break, I know plenty of annoying men, plenty that are overly confident know it alls that mess everything up so I can come in and fix it. A girl. Fixing a man's mistakes. Because I'm not incompetent, and I catch on quickly, and I work hard. It's bullshit, and I'm obviously seriously pissed.

The second statement was pure retardation, I feel like it was just thrown in so another man could have his say. Are you kidding me? One, a person that would think that must A) not be very secure in his marriage, B) have an over abundance of self esteem and think extremely high of himself to think that any woman he works closely with would 1) fall in love with him or 2) involve themselves in destroying a marriage??? AT WORK??? Give me a break! I have never thought about any of the dudes I've worked with that way, and there have been attractive ones, but I'm not at work to pick up dudes, and I don't think all girls are.

Whatever, what I'm getting at is this. Tonight, two of my best friends told me that they don't think girls are as good at architecture as guys, and that they don't have a place in a firm. And they didn't see anything wrong with that. If that's not a glass ceiling, I have no idea what is.

It's a caveman mentality. I feel like the logic is flawed. It's like saying I wish I never had to work with redheads because they're distracting and less intelligent. Or fat people can't work well on construction projects because they don't fit. Or men are better drivers. No one really thinks that way, they couldn't because the data proves otherwise. I just paid $70,000 to become an architect. I'm not going to sit at home and cook and clean and be a baby machine. That's not what all women are meant for.

There are certain times when you look around and realize that there are tons of people that think they know everything, and are doing what they're supposed to so therefore the rest of us are in the wrong. The smugness, and the indignation doesn't look good on any of them. It's only a matter of time before the cold hard reality hits them.

The Contempt of the Ill-Informed (or the misadventures of Mr. Testosterone)

There's this guy in my German class who I like to think of as Mr. Testosterone. Booming voice, greasy baseball cap-wearing too-cool-for-school kinda guy. Evidently this semester for him is Deutsch 101 part deux. Despite having heard all of this information once before, he can't help but comment loudly whenever our instructor's explanations are not up to his standards or when confronted with a peculiarity of the language.

Today the instructor was explaining weak masculine nouns which change in an odd way when going from the nominative case to the accusitive case. If you don't know what that means, don't worry, neither did most of the class. The point is that it's an exception, a peculiarity in the language that you just have to memorize. So Mr. Testosterone starts in on the teacher. "Oh my gawd...that is the stupidest thing I have ever seen. Why don't they change that? That's ridiculous! What a stupid language!" etc. Yes, that's correct - German is 'stupid'. Why don't they change the German language so snot-nosed punk American kids can learn it more easily?

Frau Teacher did her best to answer the honest questions coming from the other students, but I couldn't help being amazed at 1)his total lack of respect for our instructor and 2)his reaction of contempt in the face of something he didn't understand. I mean, English is way more complicated and has many more exceptions. German isn't harder or weirder, it's just different. And this guy had zero tolerance for anything different than him or from anything he knew. Scary, scary.

dating indignities

I never cease to be amazed by the beautiful snarky power of the internet. Oftentimes in everyday life, we struggle to react well to an insult, a slight, or even more obviously appalling behavior. The internet is the great level playing field where can, even years later, we finally respond with that perfect comeback. So, in the spirit of the hilarious 'Dating Don'ts' started at Jezebel, continued at Feministe and finally picked up by Salon, I offer up my own set of dealbreakers that would have, at one time, rendered a man Unf*ckable.

1. Don't ask me out to dinner, pick a cheap-o Mexican dive, and still ask plaintively when the $20 check comes, "Do you mind if we go Dutch?"

2. Do not ask, when we are on our first date and I am acting clumsy and nervos, if I am on my period.

3. Do not ask, after we have spent 5 days camping in the way-out-back (which you know I hate), if I will pay for the hotel on the way home.

4. Do not bring me to 'your friend's bonfire' in the middle of nowhere when you know that there will be 20 dudes and only 1 other woman and we are not even allowed to go in the house to use the bathroom. (sorry, honey! In all honesty, this did not render my husband unf*ckable forever, just that night)

5. Do not invite me to a party on the roof of your building then accuse me of sleeping with another guy when we went down to your apartment to get ice. I don't know him, I don't know you and I'm not sleeping with either of you. Ever.

6. Please, please do not date me for 6 months and, in the middle of a conversation about your apparent sexual dysfunction, sheepishly admit that you've been enjoying a lot of gay porn recently.

You got some? Post them in the comments!

My Letter to Steve Albini

Mr. Steve Albini
Shellac / Electrical Audio
2621 West Belmont Avenue
Chicago, Il 60618


Dear Mr. Albini,

I am writing to you to request a partial refund of the $10 admission that I paid to see your band on Tuesday September 16th 2008 in Pontiac, Michigan. I quite enjoyed the venue, the opening band. However, I was unable to enjoy the performance by Shellac because of the offensive remark that you made to a female concertgoer.

During one of your rambling hippy-dippy monologues, an enthusiastic female fan shouted out that you were “blowing her mind.” Instead of ignoring the comment or thanking her for her appreciation, you responded with “I have something you can blow later.” I found this response to be offensive, disgusting, and wholly inappropriate. Considering that your band attracts a disproportionate amount of male fans, I cannot imagine that you were surprised at the round of cheers you received after your vulgar response.

I felt quite unsafe in the environment you created, one in which the minority was silenced and ridiculed by through the calling out of sexuality – a typically private matter. Honestly, I was most disappointed by the incredibly bad example you set for the hundreds of male fans who flocked to see you. Your actions and words reinforced a poor and outdated societal attitude towards women. Why not use your talent and platform for something more positive - like equality and respect - instead of the uncivilized and boorish attitudes you betrayed that evening?

So, I reiterate my request: I would like a partial refund from that evening. I imagine the venue takes a fair amount, the opening musician must be paid, and I quite enjoyed the performance by your bandmates. So, I am asking for is whatever percentage of my $10 admission was your take. I estimate that to be around $1.75.

I would appreciate your prompt attention to this matter.


Thank you,

xxxmynamexxx
xxxmyaddressxxx

How do you say 'WTF' in German?

Guten Tag!

Yesterday in German class, I had occaision to wonder: how do you say 'What the f*ck??' in German?

So, I'm taking Deutsche 101, and we're learning how to describe people. Sie ist Amerikanerin! Er hat blaue Augen! It's very exciting. So my professor starts a powerpoint presentation of a variety of German cultural players and we are practicing describing them. We see (in order of the images above) director Werner Herzog, the wholesome musical group Rammstein, author and Nobel Prize winner Elfriede Jelinek, and poet Gunter Grass. So, straw poll: if you saw the photos above, in response to which one would you, perhaps, guffaw? Could it be the old dude with the bushy 'stache? The latex-clad dudes wearing the codpieces?

Well, in my class, my fellow students started whooping it up in response to Nobel Prize winner Elfriede Jelenik. Comments included, "Oh my gawd, she's so ooooooold!", "She's the palest woman I've even seen!", and "She's so uhhhhhgly!" Just to be clear: I am not exaggerating, at least half the mostly male class was in a miniature uproar.

My poor instructor looked so confused! Are people laughing at how long the word Nobelpreisträgerin' is? No, they're laughing at the (not) ugly, (not particularly) pale Nobel Prize winner! You know, she is a chick so if she's not hot, f*ck all that writing and shit!

let the throwdown begin

Last night my husband dragged me to the Shellac show in Pontiac at the Crofoot. It started out well enough. There was an amazingly talented solo guitarist who opened, and the venue was amazing. It's very shiny and new, with leather couches and a yet-to-be-marked wood floor. Very spacious, well-lit. It wasn't until Shellac started playing that I noticed it was about 98.5% dudes. And not your average indie-show crowd - it was definitely older than I expected.

So, I'm up at the end of the bar pretty close to the stage when I see the oldest dudes in the crowd dancing jerkily, fists in the air...ok, I think, there is going to be some Fight Club shiz breaking out any second....and there is a guy in the crowd who was a dead ringer for Robert Paulson, the guy with the man boobs. Man-boob man really starts to shake a tail feather as the songs progress, even kind of starts shoving the guys around him. But, thank god, no geriatric mosh pit breaks out.

About 2/3rds into the show, Steve Albini starts talking over a droning song, some really hippy-dippy shit. And he goes on and on...the crowd seems really mesmerized by it. Some woman in the audience (one of about seven in a crowd of 400?) yells out "You're blowing my mind!" (Ummm...not so much, but whatever.) So, incredibly, dickwad Albini responds with "I have something you can blow later." The crowd cheers. Those guys actually fucking cheered! I am instantly appalled, disappointed, and disgusted. I resist with all my might the impulse to chuck my water bottle at him and yell "Blow this, asshole!" In the moment, I even imagine the closest 100 men turning to come after me, so I even plan my escape route. I have visions of myself handcuffed, arrested for assault, being shoved into the back of a patrol car, shouting hysterically "We will not be sexualized any more!!!"

Seriously, I probably could have hit him, too. But I do nothing, I am silent, and the night goes on.

I later express to my husband how offended I was. Even if he thought she was heckling him (which was not the case), why is it that men always have to go there? But that's these guys...put a woman in her place by calling her out sexually. Really fucking original, Albini.